Zheng He

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Zheng He
郑和
鄭和
Our Lord and Savior!
Hobbies: Exploring, Taunting Other Explorers
First appearance

DRAW Your Own Story 11
Last appearance

N/A
No. appearances

3+
Created by

Ma family
Profile
Aliases Ma Sanbao
Species Human
Gender Male
Date of birth 1371
Age Ageless
Occupation

Fleet admiral

Starsign All of them
Religion Islam
Nationality Chinese

Admiral Zheng He, Prince of the Western Sea, Lord and Savior of the Universe was born in Yunnan sometime in 1371. His family is descended from Alexander the Great. He led a series of naval expeditions for the Ming Dynasty of China, visiting Southeast Asia, India, the Middle East, and Africa, discovered the Americas, Australia and the South Pole, and started the Renaissance in Europe when he visited it in his Dragon Armada of Doom. He was the first man in space, and rules the Seven Galaxies with his invincible Treasure Ship armadas, which are over 9000 times bigger than any other spaceships that ever existed. He also invented everything that has ever existed.

The Zheng He Legend

In spite of his disability (he was made an eunuch), Zheng He grew up to become a brilliant navigator and leader, and led the Ming flag-showing expeditions around the Indian Ocean with the largest fleet of ships of that era, visiting many countries in Asia and Africa.

What the boring barbarian historians never tell you is that he also singlehandedly discovered and conquered America, Australia and Antarctica and started the European Renaissance. He brought home so many souvenir fridge-magnets the Ming Emperor's porn video collection was ruined (magnetism, fridges and video were earlier invented by Zheng He). Enraged, the Emperor banned all oceanic exploration and overseas trade. Undeterred, Zheng He built a rocket and escaped into space.

When Europe was fighting its silly religious wars, Zheng He was living in a city on the moon.

He ruled the Universe with a billion axemen ships armed with 78 trillion pounder cannons. In the course of his travels he discovered Arrakis and mixed the spice he found there with the waters from the Fountain of Youth (which he discovered the previous week), making a potion which gave him longevity and superhuman properties, and reversed his castration.[1] He spent the next hundred years making up for lost time, with the result that there's at least one descendant of Zheng He on every planet in the K-Sector.

Occasionally, he would leave the command of the armada to his trusted Admirals and hitch a ride to Earth on UFOs, sharing with humanity his inventions. Zheng He, not Al Gore, invented the Internet.

DRAW Your Own Story 11

With the hacking of CFC and the rise of software pirates, Zheng He mobilized his armada to restore order. After tracking the Hacker to Poland, he concluded an alliance with the Coruscantis to defeat the Hacker menace, picking up Taillesskangaru in the process.[2][3] The fleet then headed to investigate Mobius, where it repelled an assault by Alexander the Great.[4][5]

He's mission eventually led him to the Xen borderworld, just in time to join CivGeneral in pursuit of Hacker Prime.[6]

Behind the Scenes

The historical Zheng He was a Chinese Muslim eunuch admiral who carried out some exploration for China before that country retreated into isolationism. Gavin Menzies proposed the 1421 Hypothesis which states that Zheng He's fleet also discovered America and sailed around the world. This theory is widely regarded as bullpoop and Zheng He has become a running joke in CFC History Forum. Posters will claim Zheng He or Gavin Menzies as their "Lord and Savior" and claim that Zheng He invented everything, among other things.

References