|Place of origin||Church of Scientology|
|Used by||Church of Scientology, Dostya, Stylesrj, Haruhi Suzumiya|
|Wars||Operation Poker Face?, DYOS 10.5, Battle of Chiron|
|Unit cost||As much as a copy of Dianetics|
|Propellant||The love for Katie Holmes|
|Flight ceiling||Higher than Oprah's couch|
|Flight altitude||How high can he jump?|
|Boost time||His movie career|
|Maximum depth||This is Tom Cruise we're talking about here...|
Cruise Missiles are weapons used by the Church of Scientology to convert/destroy things. They have Tom Cruise's face painted on them, which yells "I LOVE KATIE HOLMES!" These were a running gag introduced by the Styles brothers, whereby a bunch were fired at Stylesrj, Brackman, and Dostya. A few missiles with fellow scientologist John Travolta's face (Travolta Missiles) were fired as well. While funny at first, their overuse made them get really old really fast.
When a person is unaware of the attack, a typical first response to the missile's approach is "Why does the air sound like it loves Katie Holmes?" seconds before impact with the target.