Cruise missile

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Cruise Missile
Cruise Missile.jpg
TypeCruise missile
Place of originChurch of Scientology
Service history
Used byChurch of Scientology, Dostya, Stylesrj, Haruhi Suzumiya
WarsOperation Poker Face?, DYOS 10.5, Battle of Chiron
Production history
Unit costAs much as a copy of Dianetics
VariantsTravolta Missile
Specifications
MassHeavy
LengthLong
WidthThin
HeightTall
DiameterVery round

WingspanShort
PropellantThe love for Katie Holmes
Flight ceilingHigher than Oprah's couch
Flight altitudeHow high can he jump?
Boost timeHis movie career
Maximum depthThis is Tom Cruise we're talking about here...
AccuracyPinpoint
Launch
platform
Anything

Cruise Missiles are weapons used by the Church of Scientology to convert/destroy things. They have Tom Cruise's face painted on them, which yells "I LOVE KATIE HOLMES!" These were a running gag introduced by the Styles brothers, whereby a bunch were fired at Stylesrj, Brackman, and Dostya.[1][2] A few missiles with fellow scientologist John Travolta's face (Travolta Missiles) were fired as well.[3] While funny at first, their overuse made them get really old really fast.

The Cruise Missile was later seen during the Battle of Chiron as a means of softening up Enclave positions on the planet for Stylesrj's infiltration.[4]

Reaction

When a person is unaware of the attack, a typical first response to the missile's approach is "Why does the air sound like it loves Katie Holmes?" seconds before impact with the target.

External links (i.e. the real thing)