Hermann Göring

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Hermann Göring
“Of course people don’t want war. Why should a poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best thing he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece?”
"We will go down in history either as the world's greatest statesmen or its worst villains."
First appearance

DRAW Your Own Story 5
No. appearances

???
Created by

Heinrich Ernst Göring & Franziska Tiefenbrunn
Profile
Nickname(s) "der Eiserne"
Species Human
Gender Male
Date of birth 12 January 1893
Date of death 15 October 1946
Age 124
Occupation Buncha stuff
Spouse(s) Carin von Kantznow
(1923–1931, deceased)
Emmy Sonnemann
(1935–1946)
Children 1
Religion Lutheran
Nationality German

Hermann Wilhelm Göring (or Goering; German pronunciation: [ˈɡœʁɪŋ]) was a German politician, military leader, and bouncer for the Nazi Party. During the First World War he flew as part of Manfred von Richthofen's Jagdgeschwader 1, becoming its last commander after the top wing of Wilhelm Reinhard's Zeppelin-Lindau D.I "accidentally" collapsed during a test-flight. In 1935 Göring was appointed Commander-in-Chief of the Luftwaffe, a position he held until the final days of the Second World War. Göring's brown-shirting earned him favouritism from Hitler, who promoted him to Reichsmarschall and made him the only recipient of the Grand Cross of the Iron Cross. But Göring's growing girth scuttled their bromance, and by 1942 he had largely retreated from public life to host lavish costume parties.

Life at a glance

Hermann Göring was born in Germany at the age of 8. During World War I, Göring was a flying ace, having gotten the idea from watching too many Snoopy cartoons. He was sociable with enemy pilots, but because of the noise and fast motion of the planes it was nearly impossible to carry a conversation, so he would shoot them down and then invite them to tea and kaiser rolls. On 7 July 1918 at Adlershof, Göring test-flew a Zeppelin-Lindau D.I before letting Hauptmann Reinhard take a spin. The unlucky pilot died after a strut broke and the top wing collapsed. Upon being informed he was now commander of the Flying Circus, Göring remarked: "Well isn't that the damnedest?"

Göring joined the Nazi Party in 1922 and took over leadership of the Sturmabteilung because no-one else could stand them. Hermann and the H-man marched together on the beer hall in Munich, but Göring was taken out of commission after a police officer ran up and kneed him in the package. During the next few years Göring and his wife Carin toured Europe, performing in Austria, Italy, Poland, Czechoslovakia and and Sweden to raise money for his morphine addiction. Neither spouse's health benefited from their hectic schedule, and Carin died of heart failure in 1931.

When Hitler was named chancellor of Germany in January 1933, Göring was appointed as minister without portfolio. His covert appointment as Interior Minister of Prussia gave him control of the largest state police force in Germany, which he reorganized into the Gestapo. In 1934, Göring agreed to cede the Gestapo to Heinrich Himmler, and both men turned on the SA. In recognition for his contributions to the Night of the Long Knives, Göring was awarded the Forestry portfolio. By 1935 he weighed a full metric tonne; deemed unfit to fly, he was made Reich Minister of Aviation, some say out of sympathy, others say for a laugh.

Göring forced out War Minister, Field Marshal von Blomberg, and the Army commander, General von Fritsch, in 1938. He played a key role in the annexation of Austria, threatening to inhale the entire country if the Germans faced any resistance. Chancellor Schuschnigg folded, and the German army marched into Austria without resistance.

File:Hermann-goring-americans.jpg
They keep him well-fed and lookin' beautiful

Göring's successes early in the war led to greater and greater awards in the hope at least one would fit. In a secret document written in 1941, Hitler named Göring his "deputy in all my offices" should der Führer become incapacitated, and his successor if he died. For his part, Göring tried to maintain his titles, but as early as 1940 the British began air raids over the Ruhr. True to his promise on 9 August 1939, he changed his name to Meier, although he had already eaten his hat for an afternoon snack. Although he was in charge of exploiting captured industrial resources, most of the potential was harnessed to feed him instead of the German war machine.

In 1945 after fleeing the Berlin area, Göring received word that Hitler conceded defeat and had suggested that Göring would be better at negotiating peace terms. Unsure what to do, he opened the Secret Letter. He, Karl Koller and Hans Lammers agreed that Hitler faced certain death by staying in Berlin, had thus incapacitated himself, and that command of the Reich should pass to Göring. He sent a carefully worded telegram to the Führerbunker for confirmation, but wormtongue Martin Bormann got it first and convinced Hitler that Göring was threatening a coup-d'état. Hitler responded by declaring that Göring had committed "high treason", dismissed him from all offices, and expelled him from the Nazi party. Bormann ordered an SS hit on Hermann, who retorted with "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

Göring surrendered to U.S. soldiers on 9 May 1945 in Bavaria. In November that same year, he was put on trial in Nuremberg for war crimes. He was the third-highest-ranking Nazi official tried at Nuremberg, behind Reich President (former Admiral) Karl Dönitz and former Deputy Führer Rudolf Hess. The Nuremberg tribunal found him guilty of four counts of war crimes, and said that he was "lucky that Judge Judy is on vacation this week".

File:Goring-colour.png
"Promises of cake were made. I expect them to be kept."

Two hours before his hanging, Göring remembered that he had a time-traveling pill in his pocket. Nobody can be sure of what time he is in, but the time police believe he traveled to the future. Rumours say that Göring is now running a Starbucks franchise in Munich. He undermines his own margins by hitting the wares a little too hard, and has a weakness for the cream-filled pastries in particular, which remind him of the Bavaria of his youth. Area bohemians praise his shop's coffee (which is made with choice Ethiopian beans; Göring has sworn by beans from Ethiopia ever since visiting Italian occupation troops there in 1939). Göring has a complex relationship with bohemians, enjoying their money but inwardly struggling with a desire to "do something about them". Employees claim to have heard him mutter,

Whenever I hear yet another order for a venti skim latte, I reach for my Browning!

In DYOS

Göring was a member of Stylesjl's crew in the Post-DYOS 5 Era. He was depicted as a close advisor to Richtofen during DRAW Your Own Story 6. After the embarrassing overture to the Brazilian Campaign, Göring remobilized the SA to threaten local media into publishing a flattering take on the Flying Circus.

He has been seen working freelance, or just freeloading, in threads since.

See also