Mao Tse-tung

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毛泽东
Máo Zédōng
Mao Tse-tung
(About a million other variants)
Every Communist must grasp the truth! Buy my book!
"Let a hundred flowers bloom, let a hundred schools of thought contend... just kidding."
First appearance

DRAW Your Own Story 8
Profile
Nickname(s) Ze Dong, ROFLMAO
Aliases The Great Helmsman
Species Human
Gender Male
Date of birth Why do you keep asking?
Age None of your business!
Address Zhongnanhai, Beijing
Occupation Former Dictator of the People's Republic of China
Religion Atheism
Nationality Now, look here at the flag. The red stands for COMMUNISM. Communism, get it, my dear Comrade Deng? Chinese

Chairman "ROFL" Mao Tse-tung, incorrectly referred to by decadent Western imperialists as Mao Zedong, and commonly simplified as Chairman Mao, was the "Chairman" of the People's "Republic" of "China". He joined the Chinese Communist Party in 1920, one year before he attained any relevance, and proceeded to accidentally bump off seventy million people during the breaks between his poetry slams. Mao emerged in DRAW Your Own Story 8 as a companion to TheBladeRoden during the latter's stint in Hell.

Communist Party

Mao was one of the first guests to arrive at the Party, becoming the apprentice of Sith lord Darth Stalin. One of Mao's party games involved running back and forth through the mountains in the north to confound Chiang Kai-shek. After he reached Mongolia, Uncle Joe gave him enough weapons that he could torture a professional army instead of local villagers. During the Sino-Japanese War, Mao fought the Kuomintang while the Kuomintang fought the Japanese, and by 1949 Chiang sailed off to Taiwan after Stalin told him he wasn't fond of people trying to out-moustache him.

Mao then began pestering Joseph for nuclear weapons, insisting he was a "big boy" now. At first ol' Dzhug tried to ignore him, but over time he became increasingly aggravated; likely the only reason he didn't invade China to spank his ungrateful neighbour was because he died. Mao temporarily stayed his atomic fetish, impressed by Nikita Khrushchev and his virtuosity with the shoe. He soon learned, however, that Niki was a wimp and proceeded to extort atomic missiles out of him. Mao reflected later:

When I left Joe, I was but the learner. Now I am the master.

See also