Tom Cruise

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Tom Cruise, a.k.a. Oberst von Cruisenburg

Tom Cruise Mapother IV, better known by his stage name Tom Cruise, is an American screen actor, producer, and ardent supporter of the Church of Scientology. He has had relations with Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, Penélope Cruise—er, Cruz, and Katie Holmes.

Jump the couch

Cruise has made several expressions of his feelings for Holmes to the media, most notably the "couch incident" which took place on the popular The Oprah Winfrey Show of May 23, 2005. Cruise "jumped around the set, hopped onto a couch, fell to one knee and repeatedly professed his love for his new girlfriend." The phrase "jumping the couch", fashioned after "jumping the shark", is used to describe someone "going off the deep end" in public in a manner extreme enough to tarnish his or her reputation. It enjoyed a short-lived popularity, being chosen by the editors of the Historical Dictionary of American Slang as the "slang term of the year" in 2005 and by the nonprofit group Global Language Monitor as one of its top phrases for the year.

The "couch incident" was voted #1 of 2005's "Most Surprising Television Moments" on a countdown on E! and was the subject of numerous parodies, including the epilogue of Scary Movie 4 and an episode of Family Guy.

Cruise missile

Main article: Cruise Missile

The Church of Scientology's most popular method of evangelizing, the Cruise Missile consists of a computer-guided conventional missile with Tom Cruise's face plastered onto the side. Before impact, built-in speakers profess Cruise's love of Katie Holmes, followed by an explosive reaction (indicating a failure to convert).

The Cruise missile is a running gag introduced by the Styles brothers that was actually rather funny, but like The Simpsons was repeated too often in too short an interval, and so lost its appeal. Cruise missile strikes against Stylesrj in DRAW Your Own Story 10 eventually led to the case of Church of Scientology v. Stylesrj.


During the Battle of Fort Schmerzen, the Free Western Army encountered Cruise (under the alias Oberst von Cruisenburg) commanding the remnant German forces from the Second Napoleonic War, himself atop a Ratte superheavy tank. Cruise attempted to kill Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick Star and Sandy Cheeks in a ball of flaming glory, but the protagonists were rescued by the timely arrival of a Spitfire fighter, and Cruise was presumed killed by his own kamikaze manoeuvre.

See also