Zombie

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Zombies are an improved form of human that are often found engaging in mindless consumerism, discussions about American Idol, neoconservatism and the consumption of brains. Although technically undead, zombies can still function relatively well in society by taking on odd jobs such as President of the United States, television game show hosts, grave diggers, and fancy rave club DJs. The first zombie ever recorded is thought to have been Donnie Osmond, but there is much debate and controversy on the topic with some experts claiming that the first recorded zombie may very well have been Mr. F**kout

Initially, the reaction of most living people was to shoot and/or burn zombies on sight, but eventually a tense truce was reached between the two groups and zombies are now allowed to live a relatively normal existence. While the death toll attributed to zombies has been increasing in recent years, most consider it to be balanced out since those who are killed by zombies usually become zombies themselves, thus adding to the zombie workforce. Since zombies only require human brains to exist, food supplies and other resources are greatly preserved, and human brains are relatively easy to acquire by simply harvesting the young children of Third World countries, or other undesirables such as intellectuals, teachers, motor vehicle division clerks, republicans, and PETA activists.

Zombies are excellent household pets, as they will eat the brains of any intruders. This puts them in high demand, but, due to the fact there aren't many zombies around, they are becoming increasingly expensive, giving new meaning to the term 'costing an arm and a leg'. Zombies enjoy urban environments, but they don't mind rural locations either. They are incredibly intelligent, although they don't like to talk much. Some of the amazing discoveries found by undead scientists include:

  • The cure for Folk Music
  • The secret of the photocopier
  • Dinosaur resurrection
  • Cyanide
  • The exquisite taste of brains

Zombie's are the least friendly creatures in the world, next to kittens. if you meet a zombie, give him or her a big big chunk of C4! If they don't blow up shoot them with a shotgun, laugh, and take a shower. In the unlikely event you stumble upon a zombie AND a kitten, the solution is simple, simply perform the macarena and do the "cha" "cha".

In DYOS

Zombies have appeared an unknown number of times in DYOS. It is possible that they appeared some time in the first 9 threads, but nobody can remember that. The first appearance in recent times was that of the DYOS 1 Zombies spontaneous appearance in the Consul interrupting Kan's ranting, and then disappearing again. They shortly afterward re-appeared in Moscow and brought about the zombie menace, although that fell apart when the Zombie Army was haxed out of existence. Currently, the zombies are led by choxorn, and have an unknown number of zombies and stuff. They have a secret base somewhere in East Africa and some stuff from Halo, but that's pretty much all anyone knows about them.

New Port City continues to suffer from zombie infestation due to Combine bio-warfare during the Combine-Coruscant War. "Coruscanti" zombies consist of headcrabs and so-called "Infected", neither of which are undead so much as rabid and/or puppeteered. While headcrabs have all but disappeared, "Infected" continue to infest the city's lower levels and areas destroyed by the war, leading to permanent quarantines until the Haxor crisis.