John Baird
Parts of this article were sporked from Wikipedia. |
The Honourable John Baird PC | |
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Baird in a good mood | |
Minister of Foreign Antagonism | |
In office May 18, 2011 – February 3, 2015 | |
Prime Minister | Stephen Harper |
Preceded by | Lawrence Cannon |
Succeeded by | Rob Nicholson |
Leader of the Government in Bullying the House | |
In office August 6, 2010 – May 18, 2011 | |
Prime Minister | Stephen Harper |
Preceded by | Jay Hill |
Succeeded by | Peter Van Loan |
Minister of the So-Called Environment | |
In office November 7, 2010 – January 4, 2011 | |
Prime Minister | Stephen Harper |
Preceded by | Jim apPrentice |
Succeeded by | Peter Kent |
In office January 4, 2007 – October 30, 2008 | |
Prime Minister | Stephen Harper |
Preceded by | Rona "Lovely Hair" Ambrose |
Succeeded by | Jim apPrentice |
Minister of Transport, Infrastructure and Communities | |
In office October 30, 2008 – August 6, 2010 | |
Prime Minister | Stephen Harper |
Preceded by | Lawrence Cannon |
Succeeded by | Chuck Strahl |
President of the Treasury Board | |
In office February 6, 2006 – January 4, 2007 | |
Prime Minister | Stephen Harper |
Preceded by | Reg Alcock |
Succeeded by | Vic Toews |
Member of the Canadian Parliament for Ottawa West—Nepean | |
In office January 23, 2006 – March 16, 2015 | |
Preceded by | Marlene Catterall |
Succeeded by | TBD |
Member of Provincial Parliament for Nepean—Carleton | |
In office June 3, 1999 – November 30, 2005 | |
Preceded by | Constituency established |
Succeeded by | Lisa MacLeod |
Member of Provincial Parliament for Nepean | |
In office June 8, 1995 – June 3, 1999 | |
Preceded by | Hans Daigeler |
Succeeded by | Constituency abolished |
Personal details | |
Born | John Russell Baird May 26, 1969 Nepean, Canada |
Political party | Progressive Conservative (1995–2003) Conservative (2003–present) Progressive Conservative (Provincial) |
Alma mater | Queen's University |
The "Honourable" John "Motormouth" Baird, PC, MP was a Canadian politician that routinely served under Stephen Harper's cabinet as de facto head of the SA. Prior to retirement in 2015, Baird was Minister of Foreign Affairs (because everyone knows the portfolio for not pissing off other nations is best handled by a pit bull), in which he was instrumental in ending decades of Canadian political mediative tradition by kissing ass to Israel at every opportunity. Baird's previous posts include Minister of Transportation AKA Striking Ottawa Bus Drivers, Minister of Yelling at the Liberals while Waving his Hand and Having the Speech Featured on the Rick Mercer Report, and Minister of Environmental Policies Nobody but the Conservatives Approve Of, until the hot air expelled from his mouth became so voluminous that the Tories risked having to acknowledge global warming.
During the Invasion of Canada, Baird and most of the other PC thugs holed up in Centre Block. The Union army was unable to approach Parliament Hill thanks to Baird's combat operandi, "Hurricane-Force Wind" (best summed up as an inversion of "Belly of the Whale"). In an alternate strategy, Spetsnaz commando Rudolph Krieger was inserted via the Peace Tower, and disabled the loudmouth minister with the strategic application of duct tape.[1][2]
Resignation
Not content to merely wreck Canadian diplomacy, Baird resigned from Cabinet in Feburary 2015 to join Grand Wizard Kevin Rudd and the Illuminati in wrecking foreign relations worldwide.[3]